Differences in attitudes between the genders
start early. Both genders communicate with each other as if they came
from different planets. We don't become different over the years,
but rather we start out that way. It would be reasonable to assume
that teen boys and girls differ on their approaches to friendship,
meeting and where to seek advice. Teens, despite the fact that you
live together here on planet Earth, go to the same schools and share
many similar experiences, your attitudes to approach to opposite gender
is quite different.
Attraction: The eyes have it
Girls and boys agree on one thing: The majority of believe a person's
looks are what first catches the attention of the opposite gender.
Although looks do play a part in the game of attraction, boys are
more likely to admit it. Do girls go for personality over looks? They
do, even though boys have doubts about that. Why the disparity between
what girls claim and what boys believe? Because boys know physical
attraction is very important to them, so they naturally assume girls
feel the same way. For many boys, love begins with the eye, but for
many girls, it begins in the heart. That's not something that will
go out of style. It's simply how we are wired by nature.
Teens, your personality works to your best advantage if you remember
this rule: Be yourself. Sure, doing something awkward or dangerous
or silly or cruel may get you noticed -- but may be for all the wrong
reasons. So don't try to be something or someone else just because
you think that is what others are looking for. That way, you'll attract
the right person, for all the right reasons.
Advice: Most Teens turn to their friends
Most of the girls and so boys get advice on the opposite gender from
their friends. Only few boys keep to themselves on this issue. No
surprise there. Teens are notorious for banging their heads against
walls before getting wise and opening up on the issue of love. Getting
information is OK; deciding whether to use it; is your decision. How
can any teen know what is the right or wrong thing to do? No matter
who gives you the advice, remember that the final decision is yours,
so do what you know in your heart is right. If it turns out you've
chosen the wrong approach, well, it may be difficult to accept at
first, but don't let it get you down. The truth is, we all make mistakes.
Just take whatever lessons you learned from the experience and keep
them in mind for the next relationship.
Friends: The opposite gender isn't just for meeting
One way in which girls and boys are similar is how they choose their
friends. Many teens are gender blind and realize it's possible to
have good friends of the opposite gender. Despite having a mix of
friends, it's not surprising that more than 50% of boys and girls,
find it more difficult to relate to friends of the opposite gender.
No one wants to blow a new relationship by doing or saying the wrong
thing -- even when you are "just friends." As time goes
on, the relationship may take a different, perhaps romantic, path.
Teens: to keep your options open:
Treat all friends -- male and female -- with the same respect and
appreciation you'd like to get from them. When having an open discussion,
don't be afraid to tell it like it is. At the same time, remember
that words may create bad feelings as well as inspire good feelings,
so choose your words carefully. Master your communication skills:
tone, vocabulary and body language too.
Hanging out: vs. pairing off
On Saturday evening majority of boys and also girls prefer to hang
out with friends of both genders together. The concept of pairing
off into couples is still new to a lot of teens and a number of them
were jealous when their friends started dating before them. Does this
kind of jealousy mean teens are insecure? Not at all. In the race
toward adulthood, no one likes to be left behind. When it seems as
if our friends are moving at warp speed toward romance, it's natural
to feel a bit jealous, but don't let that get in the way of friendship.
Everyone grows, emotionally and physically, at his or her own pace.
You can't rush the process. However, you can prepare yourself for
the experience. Knowledge is power, so don't be afraid to ask questions.
You love your friends, and they love you, so be happy for them. Friendship
is demonstrated by actions, not only words. Sticking by her side as
a friend is going through changes will ensure she does the same when
it's your turn.
As we grow, sometimes we also grow apart, and that's OK. Sometimes
our life journey takes us out of familiar territory. If it turns out
that your friend goes in a different direction from one you feel comfortable
taking, that's all right. You don't necessarily have to follow. It
doesn't mean your paths won't cross again sometime in the future or
you may also find another friend who wants to carry journey together.
Meeting: Who Makes the first move for friendly
Another way in which girls and boys think alike is that both agree
there's nothing wrong with girls calling boys. It's acceptable for
a girl to ask a boy. Still, if a girl is interested in a boy and prefers
that he do the asking, what can she say to encourage him? Initiate
a discussion to know the liking and planning for the weekend. Then
hint your interest in the similar activities. Try this phrase: "There's
so much happening this weekend. Are you going to the [shop, dance,
movie, picnic]?" After he answers, respond with: "I was
thinking of going, too."
Now pause. This gives him the time to put two and two together. If
he's interested, he'll come up with the right response. Just give
him time. When it comes to matters of the heart, boys are not known
for being fast talkers.
Sexual Intercourse: Consider your reputation
That brings us to the topic of gender. Many teens think less of girls
who have had intercourse than of boys who have had intercourse. Is
this fair? No way. But this fact should make teen girls pause to consider
whether sacrificing their reputation for a gender experience is something
they really want to do.
Teens, to help you make up your mind about gender, ask yourself these
questions: Have the two of you been meeting long enough to feel lasting
emotions toward each other? Do your parents know about your friendship?
Will they acknowledge your friendship and accept for permanent relationship?
If so, have you considered the long-term consequences of intimacy?
After all, if you split up, having had gender may make the heartache
far worse. Also, was the suggestion to have gender made on the spur
of the moment, with no consideration of what your feelings might be
afterward? And if you do choose that route, will either of you use
contraception? Are you aware about unsafe intercourse, AIDS and other
diseases. Are you aware about teenage pregnancy and risk attached
Answering "no" to any of those questions is proof positive
that you are not ready for this experience at this time in your life.
You should never feel you have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.
You are smart boys and girls ... and that should make all adolescents
proud. Being a teen isn't easy. Never in our history have teens had
as much stress as they do today. The pressure to succeed that school
and society place on you has never been more intense. Today's teenagers
may be wiser about the opposite gender than their parents or grandparents
were when they were young. Our differences are part of our nature.
Still, with the knowledge that you'll carry forward into and through
your adult years, your generation will have a better chance than any
that has preceded you to grow together in understanding and in love.
Which quality in the opposite gender first catches
Both boys and girls first consider looks, but few insists personality
is No. 1. It is always how they look. After you know they're fine,
you look for personality. Then you want someone with sense of humor
and funny. What really attracts boys and girls as friends? All friends
really need are similar interests.: like enjoys shopping and talking
on the phone; or to study psychology or business in college or going
out to movie or picnic etc..
From whom do you seek advice about the opposite
My sister and my friends, because I feel most comfortable speaking
with them. They're going through the same situations I am, and they
won't judge me if I need help. Either my girlfriend or my mom. My
girlfriend and I are really close. My dad gives me good advice on
my girlfriend. My mom usually says, "Go ask your dad." Do
you think it's possible to have a good friend of the opposite gender?
Boys are from Mars, girls are from Venus :
Differences in attitudes between the genderes start early. By Joh
John Gray, a family therapist who lives near San Francisco, also is
the author of "Children Are From Heaven". n Gray