Child / teenage Sexual Abuse & Incest
Understand the change in daily routine behavior of Child/Teenager with father, mother, brother, sister, cousins, uncle/aunt, friends : (taking bath, changing cloths, urinating, playing, hugging, kissing, sitting in lap, sleeping, etc.) during the age period of: before 5 years of age, between 5 to 10 years, between 11 to 15 years and between 16 to 20 years.
All the above activities changes as one grow through puberty and finally become adult by the 19 years. Kissing, hugging, urinating, taking nude bath were so common upto age of 5 years. The same activities decrease and stopped as one grows. The similar activities which were so common may be now treated as physical or sexual abuse during puberty and adolescent years. It really confuses the teenagers as well as parents and other relatives.
What is the limit to show the love and care to teenagers, your own son/daughter as well as with son/daughter of others? Hugging, kissing, sitting in the lap, changing cloths in front of others, sleeping in the same bed, are seen with different eyes.
Are Children Sexual?
Sex should be a positive aspect of human lives since by its nature it is so. It is a must for reproduction and for emotional pleasure. A girl may experience sexual pleasure, and also orgasm, during an incidence of sexual abuse, incest, or inappropriate sexual activity. Such experiences and responses of the girls are "normal." Puberty deals more with reproductive maturity than sexual maturity. Some preadolescent and adolescent girls do engage in appropriate and beneficial sexual activities with their peers. A normal and innocent girl is supposed to be immune to everything that is sexual in nature. Sexuality must be forced upon her because she would not willingly accept it. If a girl is in any way sexual, someone or something must have sexualized her and stolen her "innocence." A girl may discover masturbation, engaged in sexual exploration with her peers, or secretly watched her parents making love.
Adult women usually enjoy gentle stimulation of their genitals through touch. Preadolescent girls may also quite capable of enjoying the same forms of stimulation. The nerves that sense sexual stimulation and their pathways to the brain exist at birth, and they are fully functional. As a result, a young girl can experience sexual pleasure and orgasm. She does not need to know that pleasure is a possible result, or desire it, for it to occur. It may just happen, because it is supposed to happen, automatically. She has only as much control over her sexual responses as she does over her feelings for laugh and cry.Preadolescent girls have internal reproductive organs, but yet to be matured. Prior to puberty, the uterus, cervix, and vagina are basically one single organ that is not in any way intended or able to accommodate penetration of any sort. This is why penetration is often very painful and damaging to a young girl's body. The damage can be irreversible, resulting in infertility later in life. Many teenage boys and men do not know how to correctly sexually stimulate a female. So that girls and teens are at a risk of experiencing painful and physically damaging sexual abuse. Since preadolescent girls actually only have a vulva, she is exposed to an increased possibility of abuse.
The hormones released by the body greatly influence the thoughts and physical responses in the situations. The survival instinct can force to adapt and respond may be in irrational and inappropriate ways like resist, submit, accept etc. Young girl rely on elders to fulfill her physical and emotional needs. Even her primary needs can cause her to voluntarily submit to repeated sexual activity. A girl's basic need for love and acceptance makes her extremely vulnerable.A young girl bathing experience may stimulate her vulva and afterwards found pleasurable. She was left wondering what she was feeling, blaming or exploring herself. She may try harder to please. She may found herself enjoying her sexual activities with self or with him/her. The girls may have experienced emotional and/or physical abuse in accompaniment with the sexual pleasure. It is an individual behavior for every girl/teens, reacts, experiences, and protects themselves during and after the sexual episode. Many times it is not necessarily more beneficial to resist than it is to consent. There is no correct or more appropriate response. A girl who did experience sexual pleasure may not talk about her experience for fear of being held at fault. Some form of physical and/or emotional abuse almost always accompanies sexual abuse. This is because sexual contact between adults and children is considered extremely inappropriate, and hence extremely illegal by society. Children learn at a young age that sex and their genitals are something to keep hidden and not something they should explore or allow others to explore.
A preadolescent or adolescent girl can "consent" to sexual abuse and inappropriate sexual activity. She may willingly engage in sexual activity even knowing it is not appropriate. It may be or may not be enjoyable; it can be terrifying and painful. If someone threatened a girl with physical harm or girl was terrified of them, she may very well have voluntarily engaged in sexual activities with them. Some girls could have chosen to resist, but not all. Girl may choose to engage in sexual activities in order to avoid physical or emotional abuse. A girl or teen may allow sex for benefit in form of money or gifts. This definition specifically applies to intangible emotions. A girl may allow sexual favors for the sense of being loved because she sees a benefit in being loved and accepted. She may make a conscious or unconscious decision that as long as the perpetrator loves her, she will do whatever it takes to maintain that love.
How a girl or teen experiences and responds to an experience of rape, sexual abuse, incest or inappropriate sex is often determined by the relationship she has with the person carrying out that act. The more she trusts that person, the more she may allow them to do, and the more open she may be to the physical sensations she experiences, even if she knows the activity is wrong or illegal. This is because she wants to believe that the person she cares so much for, and whom she wants to like or love her in return, would not harm her. She does not act inappropriately because the person she trusts should be acting in her best interest, unselfishly. This is why our legal system has adapted laws to specifically punish those who betray that trust.
Girl’s level of education and knowledge can influence her reaction to sexual abuse. A very young girl may not know it is wrong and may not know it is considered so until she is much older and/or married. Many girls presume that all their friends engage in the similar sexual activities. The realization that what has been occurring was wrong may happen suddenly or slowly over an extended period of time. Girls are not supposed to be aware of what sex is, so there is a contradiction within this reasoning.
Children desire to please the parents and guardians are a necessity of survival. A girl that experiences pain while being sexually abused often wonders what she has done wrong and why she is being punished instead of seeing the sexual abuse. If she were a good girl, they would not be hurting her. She as a result tries to be a better child, perhaps by being a more complacent sexual partner. This common response is likely the result of the blind faith children place in those who raise them to adulthood. Girls instinctively interpret something that is enjoyable as a reward for doing something right and anything that is unpleasant as an indication of doing something wrong.
The Confusion Caused by Pleasure
A girl or teenager who experienced sexual pleasure during an episode of sexual abuse should not deny the feelings. She should not blame her body or mind. If a girl consented and found it pleasurable it is more than likely she would be exploited, and had the level of sexual development inappropriately accelerated. A girl who experienced sexual pleasure during episodes of sexual abuse can have difficulty learning to enjoy consensual sex than a girl who experienced only pain. If it was painful, it supports the concept that it was bad and wrong. You know consensual sex should be enjoyable. Once a girl regains the ability to trust someone and able to become intimate with him or her, she merely opens the door to sexual pleasure, which can certainly lead to a difficulty. Teens in this situation still need to learn that sex is enjoyable, not painful. It can take time and patience to overcome a conditioned response to sexual contact.
If a teenager grows up believing that normal sexual sensations and feelings are bad and inappropriate, it can be very difficult to learn to enjoy consensual sex after marriage as an adult. Because all those sensations that occur during consensual sex may remind of what took place in the past and naturally want to get away from those memories. A wife who experienced an orgasm while being sexually abused must be able to "honestly" say to herself that she enjoyed that orgasm just as much as she experienced during masturbation and now with husband today. An orgasm is never right or wrong, it is just an orgasm. It can be a challenge for a wife to accept sexual pleasure and orgasm as normal and desirable, if she associates it with negative experiences.
There are many incidents of "sexual abuse" in which no "sexual-intercourse-insertion" component exists, other than involving sexual organs. These incidents are cases of emotional and/or physical abuse or terrorism. Rape is commonly defined as an act of violence with insertion-sex. There may be no sexual pleasure involved, even if orgasm takes place. The perpetrator is only interested in controlling or dominating the person they attack. A preadolescent or adolescent girl who wakes up in the middle of the night in her bedroom to the sensations of a person forcing the penis or fingers into her nonexistent vagina is not going to have a sexual experience; she is likely to experience extreme pain and psychological terror. The same holds true of anal and oral penetration in the same situation. A girl who is terrified of her father or guardian or relative or friend is likely to be terrified of and by any physical contact with them. Girls who experienced situations like this may not understand how pleasure could even be a factor in "sexual abuse," and adamantly reject the possibility. For some the abuse may start out as described above but slowly transition over to physically pleasurable experiences, as their mind and body adapts and tries to and eventually does survive. Physical and psychological abuse can be incorrectly labeled as sexual abuse.
Since sexual abuse is often multidimensional. A person who experienced it may want to explore it from different perspectives instead of just from a sexual one. "Sexual abuse" likely consists of emotional and physical abuse and lastly sexual abuse. Girl’s relationship with the perpetrator may influence how she reacted to the abuse with love or fear. Was she feeling safe or vulnerable? Was she physically beaten or punished? Was the "sexual" contact appropriate given your level of physical and emotional development?
If the girl experienced sexual pleasure or orgasm, this should be considered separately from other forms of abuse. They can occur concurrently. If the girl did experience pleasure, remember that her body simply did as it was intended to, and the perpetrator likely stimulated her in an appropriate manner. This does not mean their motive was appropriate. May be he/she wanted her to experience sexual pleasure, not wanting to cause harm. All abusers are not mean, hateful, or monsters. If you experienced pain then it was likely an incidence of physical or psychological abuse.Teen Sexuality
Teenage Girls may have willingly engaged in sexual activity with inappropriate partners. These girls do not feel victimized, as force or intimidation was not used. Sometimes they knew these activities were wrong, illegal, and considered inappropriate. Others apparently mutually consented to sex with an inappropriate person, a close relative, during puberty, sometimes continuing this relationship into adulthood. While socially and legally we define all childhood sexual experiences as detrimental, some individual experiences seem to indicate otherwise.
Some teenage girls are very curious about sex and explore their sexual feelings with whoever will permit it. Childhood sexual explorations may not be under the influence of a hormone induced sex drive, even prior to visible signs of puberty. Teenagers knew it was wrong and that their parents and others would be very upset if they found out, but they still sought out sexual experiences with whoever would allow it. They were not necessarily always pleasant or enjoyable experiences even though they continued their exploration afterwards. Many of them may simply have wanted attention, and found acting in a sexual manner got them that desired attention.Sexual Interaction between Adults and Children
Sex is supposed to be enjoyable, and can be equally enjoyable for girls, teens and adults alike. Human beings are very social animals and children crave physical affection and sometimes even sexual pleasure. Children are also very curious and able to enjoy sexual activities with their peers. They can and do sometimes initiate sexual contact with adults. They do not necessarily "know" what they are doing or the possible ramifications. Children may mimic what they have seen adults do, in person and on TV. They are very curious about everything around them including their parent's bodyChildhood sexuality is normal but not sexual abuse.
Many times an elder’s can unknowingly sexually stimulate a child and awaken the interest in sex. Many things parents normally do while caring for their child may result in the child experiencing sexual sensations and pleasure. During breast-feeding it is common for both the mother and child to experience sexual arousal, which is something neither has any control over; nor should they try to. Ever consider how often parents bath, examine, and touch a girl's vulva when she is wearing diapers? Parents often joke about their infant son getting an erection when they remove his diaper. The possibility of such experience to the daughters as well without erection. Ever looked at how parents hold their young children against their body? Since parents believe that the children are immune to sex, they are supposed to be able to do anything to them without awaking their sexuality. Society is protecting parents from themselves, at the expense of the children. While society denies or ignores it, all interact on a sexual level with the children, and other people's children.Child as Victim
Parents create perfect victims of their children. They make it almost impossible for sons/daughters to experience normal sexual development, and as a result children do not have the means to protect themselves from abuse. Our children are much more likely to have a negative sexual experience as a child than they are to have a positive one. Sex is all around us; it is impossible to hide our children from it. If you want to protect your children from sexual abuse, provide them with a positive sexual education. Do not try to hide them from sex that is what makes them perfect victims. If you want your child to know right from wrong, then teach them. If you do not want them to be harmed by sex, do not make them hide their sexuality in a closet. Ignorance is not bliss, it is victimizing.
Child Sexual Abuse
What constitutes sexual abuse is dependent on a number of factors: the individual, their gender, their family, their community, the society in which they live, their religious, ethnic, and cultural backgrounds, and the different levels of government. If you are accustomed to being nude in the presence of your parents and others you may not feel abused if they walk into the bathroom while you bathe. Many religions view sex as undesirable in any form, accepting and acknowledging only reproduction. Many cultures have accepted the practice of caressing an infant's or young child's genitals/buttocks when you wanted them to go to sleep or wanted to comfort them. Other societies consider childhood masturbation and sexual exploration normal and desirable and are concerned when it does not occur. Many girls are unable or unwilling to admit to sexual abuse. There is no doubt that physical, psychological, and sexual abuse is common. Incidents of sexual abuse are higher in some segments of society than others, simply because peoples' views of what is appropriate and inappropriate vary significantly. It may also result in normal sexual behavior being labeled as abnormal.
Incest
Incest is that is universally prevalent. We have just been conditioned not to notice and are as a result not aware of it. The proof of this is the number of siblings who engage in sexual activities as young children and teenagers. Many siblings engage in sexual activities together. They did not engage in penile-vaginal penetration so it really was not sex. The social ideal is that a man may see all females sexually desirable except his mother, sisters, and daughters. A woman may find all men desirable except her father, brothers, and sons. The number of incest and sexual abuse cases handled by our legal system would support that family members may find each other sexually desirable.The dynamic for young children is that they are mutually curious about everything, including things of a sexual nature. Add puberty into the equation and mutual sex drives can cause one to sidestep society and family moral values. Can you really expect two teenagers experiencing a strong sex drive, who spend a lot of time with each other, not to occasionally act instinctively versus rationally to their biological urges, not to mention intense curiosity? As a result, incest between cousins, and uncles and niece is probably much more common than we would like to acknowledge. Socially we do not acknowledge and as a result ignore the sexual dynamics that occur within a family. Ignoring these dynamics does not mean they go away or do not exist, perhaps in the form of abuse, not necessarily sexual abuse.
If a father is a "perfect father" during a girl's childhood, who is the one person she will more than likely be sexually attracted to when her sex drive starts to develop during puberty. Who is the one person that likely fulfills all her physical and emotional needs? Is there likely to be any other male she knows and trusts more? Based on her perspective, who would be the ideal father of her own children? Many may claim these are some pretty inappropriate and false statements to make, but then why do women often go out and marry mirror images of their father? Basically because daughter’s father met all their needs except one, their sexual need. As a result, they go out in search of a sexual father. The "father figure" does not have to be the biological father; it can be a stepfather, a male guardian, or an older brother, uncle, cosuin.
Most of us have witnessed some very close physical relationships between fathers and daughters. The behavior we consider cute in a girl is seductive in a woman. A young girl often learns if she acts "cute," her father will do as she wishes. We only hint at the sexual dynamics in this type of relationship. When puberty rolls around and breasts start to develop and new and unfamiliar sensations start to occur, a girl may explore her new emotions and physical sensations with her father or father figure, who may or may not be a willing or knowing participant. These new qualities may also drive a father and daughter apart since they cannot acknowledge, or act upon these feelings. Many fathers are no longer able to ignore their daughter's sexuality when her breasts develop as she is now a woman, sexual, not a girl, asexual and distances himself from her. The girl herself may be understandably uncomfortable with her new feelings in this regard or her father's changed behavior with her. The sexual tension may become so intense neither can stand to be around the other, or it is expressed in the form of other emotions like anger and jealousy. These sexual dynamics may also occur between brothers, sisters and cousins. The family sexual dynamics for a lesbian may be even harder for her to understand and rationalize, since they do not fall into the male-female sexual paradigm. Even in the absence of physical sex, there can be an incestuous relationship.
Incest may be mutually beneficial
Is there a consensual and mutually beneficial incest? Cousin brother- cousin sister incest is more likely to be of this nature, as they are usually closer in age and are involved in the same social group. Their level of sexual development is often about the same. They both may have less control over their newly developed emotions and impulses and act impulsively. They are also more likely to naturally develop sexual relationships with others at some point, as is desirable and beneficial. Father-daughter incest is likely to be less consensual and beneficial because of the differences in authority, ages, and social groups. The father often tries to control his daughter in these situations, when she really needs to go in search of other sexual partners at some point. A girl may assume the role of her mother and become her father's wife; this is not a beneficial dynamic to enter into as she needs to develop an identity of her own. While father-daughter incest may start out consensual, it often does not end up that way. Certainly sister-sister and mother-daughter incest occurs as well, but since there is no penile penetration involved, it often is not defined as sex or sexual. Uncle-Niece incest is also consensual and beneficial to both.
Incest is not a form of sexual abuse, even though that is how we commonly and legally define it. Incest is defined as "sexual intercourse between persons too closely related to marry legally and reproduce." There is no mention of abuse, or that it is wrong, though we might assume so if it is illegal for them to marry. Of course, this definition also says that if it is not penile-vaginal intercourse it is not incest. This definition does imply mutual consent, which is why it does not constitute sexual abuse.
Society’s Role
Our reactions to sexual abuse can punish both the perpetrator and the victim, since we expect them both to meet a particular paradigm. We direct so much negative energy at the subject, that often it is the victim, if they define themselves as such and some do not like this label at all, that gets punished in addition to the perpetrator. As a result, a girl or woman may be reluctant or fearful of acknowledging sexual abuse.A girl will likely learn at a young age the results of reporting sexual abuse, and despite our best intentions, decide it best not to. She may want the sexual abuse to end, but does not want to place her life in further turmoil or sever her relationship with the perpetrator in the process. Remember, she may love and hate them at the same time. Her expectations may not meet society's. Are we acting in her best interest or ours?
As a society, we failed to identify and acknowledge sexual abuse in the past and as a result did not protect our children. Perhaps out of guilt we may often overreact, or react in an inappropriate manner today. Our own emotions come before the victims'. For these reasons there are children and adult women who do not want to wear the title of "victim" or even "survivor," because they desperately want to be "normal." Society can victimize a person far more severely than can an individual, because while we can usually isolate ourselves from an individual, we cannot escape society.